Like discussing sex and its education with children, parents also need to talk to their gay son about their sexual orientation. To talk does not mean to discourage him from his gay orientation, but also allow him to come out of the shell. Communication is the key to bringing the gay son out of his closet and giving him a chance to ‘come out’ with his nagging problem. At school or with friends your gay son must have faced some verbal or physical abuse for not being as boyish as the other kids. He could not explain his problem or come out with his viewpoint in front of anybody.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to get him on board before it is too late. Usually parents with a gay son realize much later that they had failed in not communicating with him earlier. You have to choose a proper setting or an opportune moment to get to talk with him over what he thinks he cannot explain. Before getting to communicate with him, you also need to educate yourself a bit about the real problems faced by gays. If you do, you will realize that every parent as well as their gay son has a story to tell. It is a story of abuse, neglect and misunderstanding at every step for the gay child. Those who were lucky enough had parents who communicated with them early. It saved them a lot of miseries and depression after they grew up.

If you choose the living room or the dining table, chances are that your gay son may not be so forthcoming when you break the ice. You have to choose a particular setting were he cannot sort of evade and leave the discussion mid way. A long drive with your gay son can be a good setting to communicate with him. And it would be wise not to rush into it or lose your patience, because a great level of understanding is all that he would need.

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Just think how you would react to the new family environment if your son or daughter brought in their girlfriend or boyfriend. You would be excited to meet them and wish well for your children. If they are invited for dinner or lunch, you would take care to be perfect and not ask the wrong questions that might offend them. You must be comfortable thinking about the scenario as you have it all ingrained in you. You know how to behave as you think a heterosexual relationship is the be all and end all of all romantic relationships.

When your daughter brings home her boyfriend to get him introduced to her parents, she knows that you as a parent will have her interest in mind. While talking with her boyfriend you will take care to say the right things, ask the right questions, being discreet if required, and get along with the lunch or dinner. It would be the same when your son brings home his girlfriend. In both the scenarios you would be wishing all of them well. What would go around in your mind? Obviously, the well being of your son and daughter and the new love of their lives will be on your mind.

Now, if you have a gay son, he would also bring home his partner for lunch or dinner to get him introduced to his parents. Should you be feeling differently? If you do, ask yourself if your gay son isn’t as much a son as his other siblings who are heterosexual. As a gay son, he isn’t responsible for his sexual orientation. It was as much a biological reason as it was for your other children who are heterosexual. Neither was it your fault as a parent.

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Accepting the truth about your gay child’s marriage with a same sex person can be quite a big problem initially. The shock and perhaps some anger can make you feel miserable as you had notions about your son. You had a difficult task accepting your child was gay earlier, and now, you have to battle with the idea that he would marry another man.

It goes against your idea of marriage and the very shock and disbelief that greeted you when you first came to know about your child’s sexual orientation, would surface again. You know very well how society views gays and their relationships. And marriage is something that is most stigmatized by society, still at odds with the issue. The recent Proposal 8 in the United States would make lives more difficult for gay and lesbians and all same sex marriages.

Nearly half the states in the US are against same sex marriage and gay relationships. It s only a few states where they are legal and rights are given to gay couples to also adopt children. But it dies not get easier that way as there can be discrimination at every level. Right form the child adoption agencies to the home owners, gay couples can find the going tough and loaded against them.

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